November 7th - Jokes

American Jokes with regard to bar




1- A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?"



2- A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"


3- A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He lifts the dog up and swings him around over his head by the tail. The bartender says "Hey, man! What are you doing?" He says, "Oh, I'm just looking around."

4- After a Beer Festival in São Paulo, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Schinkariol's president sits down and says, ", I would like the world's best beer, a Schinkariol." The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. Then Bavaria's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Bavaria." The bartender gives him one. Kaiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with the best ingredients , give me a Kaiser." He gets it. The guy from Brahma sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Brahma?" and the Brahma's president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."


5- A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Seventy cents."



6- A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"


7- A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

8- A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."

9- A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "No, I never thought the parrot would sell the place."


10- A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

11- A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."